Here Comes Satan's Army!! Mr. Satan Is Beaten By a Single Hit

A shot from above the stage shows complete silence. Everyone is still. The Z Senshi watch quietly, waiting for Satan to begin his fight. Satan smiles like a fool with his hands on his hips, still completely confident. Cell is just as unimpressed by Satan's antics as the Z Senshi. "It doesn't matter who comes first."

Mr. Satan takes a step forward. "I will, of course." He reaches up to his cape. Son Goku begins to yell to him, but Kuririn stops him. "No, Goku. You can't make him understand." Goku turns to Kuririn. "But I just can't let it happen." He turns back to the stage. "You will be killed. I won't say anything. You musn't take part in the contest." Satan glances at him. Reporter, "Hmm?" He looks back at Satan and they both shrug in unison.

The reporter turns around. "Hey, camera. Take a picture of this bunch of fools for me." The camera turns to get a shot of the Z Senshi. Reporter, "I can hear the screams and shouts of the whole country's audience!" The camera stares straight out at Son Goku. "Do you know what this man just told Mr. Satan? He was saying that 'You will be killed. You musn't take part in the contest.' That's what he said!" People in the city with the big TV stare up at Goku's giant image on screen. "Is he a fool?" "Don't get in Mr. Satan's way!" "Go home!"

Fountains flow outside the world leader's tower. Reporter, "These bunch of jerks are a pain in the neck!" Inside, the dog king watches the television. Servants stand on either side of him. "We told them already, but they just don't understand who Mr. Satan is." Servant, "Silly fool." Dog, "He's like... This man is like...that kid who saved us from Piccolo Daimaou." He focuses only on Son Goku, mentally blocking out the others on screen. He visualizes the Super Saiya-jin as a young boy with black hair and the Nyoi-bo. The little boy turns back into the Super Saiya-jin. "But his eyes and hair color are different. Maybe not the one." The camera pans across the Z Senshi. "But what upsets me is..." The camera stops on Son Gohan, and in the background, Piccolo. "...That man looks like Piccolo Daimaou."

Kuririn, "Forget it. Just let the fool do what he wants. Even if he's killed, he can be brought back to life with the Dragon Balls." Goku gives in. "Alright, that seems to be the only way." Reporter, "Oh! Looks like they finally understand! But everyone should know their lives are spared." Satan, "They've finally understood." He reaches up to untie his cape. Reporter, "After the interruption by those strange people, Mr. Satan is ready again for the competition." Loud voice, "Wait a minute, Sensei!"

Mr. Satan and the reporter look into the sky at the pink helicopter overhead. Some of the Z Senshi look up, too. Kuririn, "What?" Satan smiles. The helicopter door swings open. A young, blonde man and a giant, fat, masked man jump out, followed by a young redheaded woman. Reporter, "Some strange people have appeared in front of Mr. Satan! Who are they?" Kuririn, "More strangers." The two run around the stage, doing a little dance together. In unison, "We are the disciples of Mr. Satan!" The blonde one sticks a rose in his mouth and dances away. He plucks out the rose and holds it back over him, as he stretches to display his body. "I have the best shape in the world! I'm the swiftest. I'm Calorie." He waves the rose up and down. The fat man pumps up his muscles. "I'm Piroshiki, the strongest man in the world!" Steam blows out of two pipes on his costume. The Z Senshi stare at the performance, dumbfounded.

Reporter, "They seem to be Mr. Satan's friends." The redhead walks up. "Let me introduce them. These two are the first and second disciples of Mr. Satan. They are also the second and third strongest warriors in the world." The reporter adjusts his glasses. "Oh, they're really something!" Redhead, "I'm the beautiful agent. My name is Pizza." Calorie looks back at Satan. "Master, for someone like that, don't even get your hands dirty." Piroshiki smashes his fists together. "Let us take care of him for you." Satan rubs his chin. "Hmm, right. For such a guy, it's not right for me to deal with him personally. I'll let you do it for me." He turns and walks off the stage.

Reporter, "Oh, everyone! Did you hear that? His two disciples swore that they could beat Cell! They're really our saviors!" The camera looks over at Calorie, who brushes his hair back. "I'm sure they can beat Cell!" The camera moves to Piroshiki, who pounds his chest. Crowd, "Unbelievable!" "Maybe they can beat him by themselves..." Man, "Calorie and Piroshiki?" Man 2, "I've read about them in magazines! They're Satan's best disciples! They've won in a lot of martial arts competitions." Man 3, "They're really amazing." Vegeta, "Tch. Idiots." Kuririn, "There are more and more fools." Reporter, "The Cell Game begins again! The first contestant is Mr. Satan's disciple, the swift Calorie!"

Calorie, "I, Calorie, am the first. Would that do?" He sniffs a bouquet of roses. He tosses the bouquet into the air, and the roses scatter. He leaps into the air and slashes at them. He drops back to the ground, and the rose petals fall around the stage. He brushes his hair back and smiles. "These will be buried with you when you are dead."

A group of girls watches the fight on a bank of TV screens. They scream. "Calorie! I've totally fallen for him!" Reporter, "Amazing, beautiful, and elegant! A really new kind of martial artist!" Pizza, "Let me introduce him. He is famous for killing in the air. He can search for the swiftness living in the sky." Reporter, "Wonderful!" He turns back to the camera. "Of course, that's Mr. Satan's disciple. He's really different." Kuririn watches them incredulously. He holds his hand to the top of his head. "What's the matter with this guy?"

Calorie grins. "That trick of mine has already gotten millions of lady fans to fall for me." He hops from foot to foot, back and forth, for a few seconds. Finally, he stops and prepares to fight Cell. Reporter, "The Cell Game, determining the fate of the Earth, has started! The rules are simple. Whoever falls down from the platform, gives in, or is killed will be regarded as the loser." Calorie, "Are you scared? What? Your pain will be very short." He starts dancing around. "Beautiful Rose Flying ATTACK!" He leaps into the air. Reporter, "He's jumped extremely high!" Pizza, "Calorie's best trick! We will soon see who the winner is."

Calorie stares down at Cell from his temporary perch in the sky. "Hm. Beat him in a stretch." Cell sends out a few short waves of energy. Calorie screams and flies higher into the air. Reporter, "Fabulous! He's still flying in the sky!" Calorie screams as he soars into the air. The reporter and Pizza stand waiting for him to return. The wind begins to blow. The rose petals are blown off the stage. "Still flying?" Pizza, "He must be in a good mood." An ever-increasingly loud sound rings out around them. Reporter, "What's that sound?" Calorie smashes into the ground right in front of them. They raise their arms to shield themselves from the dust. When the dust clears, the reporter gawks at the newly-formed man-shaped hole in the ground. Calorie pulls himself out and reveals to the world, the New Calorie, now with disfigured face action.

Reporter, "What on Earth is that?" Pizza, "He must have flown a bit too much." Mr. Satan walks up between them, and they look up at him. "He's good and talented, but he has a bad habit of being carried away easily." Satan stares up at the sky. "That's why he couldn't beat me." Pizza, "Eh? Right!" Reporter, "I see." Calorie sits in his hole, whimpering. Son Goku glares at Cell.

New Calorie is shown on the big TV. "How come?" "Fool!" "Damn it!" The reporter's voice blares through loud speakers. "Calorie fell off the platform and lost the Game. Such a talent has lost. What a shame." Piroshiki lumbers onto the stage. "Let me beat Cell!" He takes a deep breath and begins pounding his chest, screaming. Pizza, "I'll introduce him. His strength can compare to twenty elephants. He can kill a bull with just a single strike." Reporter, "He's really unbeatable!"

Piroshiki lifts his mask off, laughing. He crushes it into a ball and throws it into the air. Reporter, "Extraordinary! Incredible power!" The ball falls back to Earth, and Piroshiki catches it in his mouth, swallowing it whole (with some difficulty). "With such weird strength, I'm sure Cell will be knocked down! The difference between their strength is huge!" (Well, I suppose that is true...)

Satan, "Piroshiki won't be as careless as Calorie." Pizza, "Cell is pathetic." Son Goku continues to glare silently at Cell, and Cell stares back at him out of the corner of his eye. The two are shown together from a slight distance, and everything around them fades to black. Kuririn is shown as gray-scale, but he's the only other person in the image. Son Goku and Cell are surrounded by glowing golden auras. Piroshiki looks back and forth, confused. He screams and smacks his hands together several times. He begins to rotate his shoulders until his arms become a blur. He screams and rushes at Cell.

Reporter, "Contestant Piroshiki is really hitting hard!" Pizza, "That's Megaton Ball Crusher! This time, no one can resist him!" Piroshiki suddenly stops a few feet away from Cell. He looks confused and asks, "What's wrong?" He begins to continue forward, although extremely slowly, as if he were suddenly being weighed down. He struggles to move on, but it gets harder and harder as he draws closer. Reporter, "Piroshiki has stopped! (something unsubbed)." Piroshiki tries to move forward, but he can't. He begins to fall back. "I give in..." He rolls backward off the stage, almost hitting Mr. Satan. Pizza and the reporter run up to see him. Reporter, "What on Earth has happened? Mr. Satan?" Mr. Satan snaps his cigar in half.

"It's a trick." Reporter, "Huh?" Satan, "Because he's afraid of me, he's set a lot of traps on the platform. What a low creature. He must have put down some green pepper powder, which Piroshiki hates most on his body. There must be some traps on the platform." He stands up and grabs his cape. "But I'm going to expose his dirty tricks!" Reporter, "I see. Though we aren't sure when he did it, in a one on one contest, he's used to such dirty tricks."

Kuririn, "You're wrong. Cell blew them away. Watch more carefully." Reporter, "Because his disciples were defeated by Cell, he was very angry!" Mr. Satan steps up onto the stage. "Mr. Satan goes up to the platform again! He is taking off his hood!" Satan unties his cape and throws it back behind him. "Then his belt, which stands for the glory of Champion!" Satan holds the belt in the air. The gold glimmers in the sunlight.

People in the city cheer at the image of Satan holding his belt to the sky. Reporter, "Our hero, Mr. Satan, has finally entered the arena! It's a contest about the life and death of the Earth. Our Champion, Mr. Satan, has expressed that he has been waiting a long time for this day. He's really our savior!" Satan tightens his real belt (not the champion's belt) around his waist. Satan reaches into a concealed pocket and produces some object, held within his closed palm. "Mr. Satan has taken something out." He opens his hand to reveal a capsule. "That's a space capsule!" He closes his fist around it again. He clicks the button and tosses it to the side, revealing a small bag. "It's a bag! He's taken a bag out from a space capsule! Then from the bag..." Satan crouches down and opens the bag. "Tiles! A lot of tiles!" Satan begins to pile blue tiles on top of each other. "Mr. Satan is stacking up the tiles!" Kuririn, unable to say anything, simply covers his face and turns away. Yamucha, "Isn't he..."

The stack stands a few feet high when completed. "Altogether, there are fifteen of them!" Satan stares down at the stack of tiles. He laughs. "Fifteen tiles are stacked up very high!" The reporter turns to the camera and motions toward the tiles with his arm. Satan chuckles, then closes his eyes and quiets. "Then he's concentrating. Mr. Satan is concentrating with his mind. Let's be quiet."

The crowd watches the big TV in awed silence. Satan's eyes finally open, he screams, and his hand travels straight down the middle of the stack, cutting each tile cleanly in half - each tile except the very last one. "One is left, but it's marvelous! Such a destructive force! Fourteen tiles were broken in places!" Satan stands up and grins. His hand glows red, throbbing. He rubs it with the other hand. He raises his hands above his head and screams. The crowd, of course, cheers for him. "Good for you, Mr. Satan!" The Z Senshi are completely dumbfounded. Satan waves his arms around, screaming. Cell watches silently. "What a fool."

Satan, "Cell! Look at these smashed tiles!" He grins. "In a minute, you'll be the same, too." The crowd cheers. "SA-TA-N! SA-TA-N! SA-TA-N!" The reporter holds his hands to his eyes, then throws them down. "What a moving scene! No wonder Mr. Satan is the best in the world! I'm really moved now!" Satan, "I did such a good job. Everyone must be impressed. I forgot to record it with a camcorder." Reporter, "He's panicing. Cell was too arrogant, but after seeing the destructive force of Mr. Satan, he couldn't help panicing. But it's too late to beg for mercy now! We can't forgive Cell for his sinful deeds!"

Mr. Satan crouches down, preparing to fight. "Alright!" Reporter, "Mr. Satan, ready for the battle! Mr. Satan, Martial Arts Champion vs. Cell! He's using his fists of righteousness to destroy Cell, killer of millions of people!" As the reporter speaks, Satan advances on Cell. "SA-TA-N! SA-TA-N!" Reporter, "Mr. Satan, do your best to kill Cell and become the winner!" Satan screams and runs in at Cell, flying in with a kick straight to the head. Cell doesn't budge. Satan lands next to Cell and waves his arms around. Reporter, "Satan suddenly used his ultimate technique, Dynamite Kick, to attack Cell! We'll know who the winner is very soon!"

Satan suddenly unleashes a barrage of punches and kicks on Cell. Cell makes no move to dodge, block, or counter Satan's assault. He doesn't move at all. "Satan continues to attack! Cell is totally unable to fight back!" Satan stops for a moment, then goes straight back into it with more intensity. "Cell is absolutely helpless! He's powerful, too powerful! Good for you, Champion Satan!" Satan dances around Cell for a while, then jumps back. He laughs at Cell. "I'm killing you now!" He runs in to deliver the "killing blow," when, faster than can even be followed, Cell swats Satan off the stage and into a nearby cliffside.

The reporter stares in wide-eyed shock as Satan rolls down the hill. "What?" Kuririn grins and leans over to Gohan. "To be honest, I seem to be taking the side of Cell." Mr. Satan holds his head, muffling his own screams of pain. Piccolo, "Still alive? Cell seems to hate killing such a guy, too." The crowd stares at the downed Satan on the huge TV screen in shocked silence. Blue in the face and wide-eyed, none of them dare utter a word.

Reporter, "Contestant Mr. Satan has fallen off the platform. Contestant Satan has lost." A light breeze blows past. Cell, "Come on, let's start the Cell Game. Who will be the first one? Son Goku, will you still be the first one?" Goku places one foot on the stage and looks up at Cell. "Right."